Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's leading entertainers used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial plan which enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. A government website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A brief note here to rich foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.